been reading pples blogs about how sunday went...then i asked myself...about my faith..

To me this week has been such a wonderful experience...and yet so fulfilling at the same time...being with the pple i love playing my guitar for God...Praising and worshiping God..praying...reflecting...listening to others...praying for others...pple at school would wonder..is this really denise?

Well i guess....but i seriously don't know how long this side of me will last...i want it to..but...
i question myself..am i ready for this camp..at 1st i wanted to go cos everyone was going..now i want to go cos..i feel so much closer to God..and thats where i always want to be...

But i'm also scared...am i worthy enough?...i sin all the time...heh...but i try not to..but its been so hard these few days...must be the devil..serious..no joke.

these 2 week...once i almost wanted to beat the crap outta someone..luckily i stopped..halfway....cos i saw security guard..heh.. but its not me to be violent..it was just that instant..i did not know what had gotten over me..i just wanted to make the person feel real sorry... but by violence? u guys should know me..

then theres this tention at home..suddenly my parents feel that they have to use new methods on me..like studying more and more everyday for at least 2 hrs..then today it became 6 hrs..omg.. somebody help me..somebody tell me im not the only one with parents who suddenly became like that..i feel all caged up..then when i complian...they threaten me...they already said they'd confiscate my guitar after the camp..MY GUITAR!...sobs..cos i din study much for 2 days...arggghhhh!..i had a headache..and i wasn;t even on the comp..i was sleeping cos my head was whirling!..

then they said me Comp and my mp3 would be nxt..and most recently if i did not study for 6 hrs today i would be barred from the camp...no matter who cares..and i cant let that happen...shes done this many times b4..threatening me about the camp..why can;t they understand that it means so much to me...after not allowing then suddenly allowing last min..then not letting me go for workshops cos they wanted me to saty and home and do what? nothing~!

my family may be christ centered..but sometimes i think its just for show..

I ask God..why can't they understand me..and how i need to go for this camp..i really want to do hi will..i want to help others..it makes me feel er..fulfilled and worth living for..

i need to pray more and search myself more...must be the devil overworking on me... heh. i'm scared that i would be taking all this burden with me to the camp..how can i help others if i can't help myself 1st..sometimes....
nah....

i don't sound like myself...but i guess it is..behind all the bubblyness and smiles...

Hur Hur.
11:01 AM