im so tired.
of everything.

painting all day.
all night.
no rest.
nothing tolook forward to

you know what i wanna do
i just wanna chill with my old friends
but its so difficult cos everyone is busy
and everyone has new friends
and everyone has their own life

and i don't wanna be the enthu kia who is always wanting everybody to meet up.
cos im bad at it lah ok.
and im oso so busy
so lames.





im finding it already tough to like clique with new people
because im having those kinda feelings where
you know a certain grp of friends can never be replaced
so lames.
but ya.



ok bye.

and im so tired.
of going for band
when we are not moving
and its also my fault.
cos im so busy


and im so tired of log sessions
because it clashes with band
and i feel like i fell out with them
even before i did physically
its like a natural siphoning process (is that the right word)
and i now need to make time to get closer to them



most direct blog post ever.





all i know is that now
i feel like i only have 3 friends.
=(




aiya im just being emo.
im so demanding huh.
expect so much.
aiya.

but tml i will be happy again.
im so lame.

Hur Hur.
1:30 AM

dear blogger.

i keep dreaming of sad things
that make me cry at night =(

why? they are not even relevant.
its like...im making myself sad.
i keep dreaming of things that will never every happen.
things that put me in the spot.

this whole week...i cried every night except for 2 days. =(
even if i cant remember my dreams. i know i cried.


and today my eyes look like they have botox.
heng ah my double eyelids are there.




why?
is it cos im hungry?
is it cos im painting too much
turpentine?
cos i saw naked girl? worried that i might see naked guy?
cos i have nothing to look forward to everyday?
besides wanting to finish my work?
stress?


before i go to sleep i always feel sad too. =(
i don't know why.




seriously.
why am i so emo.









is there some pschological reason behind this?
the dreams i mean.

Hur Hur.
12:13 PM

hello orangeguitar.

im feeling so sad =(
sian.


i feel like doodling
a sad little monster
but i have no
pencil box here
and i dont ever doodle =(

big eye monster. with small mouth.


dont know whats gg on.
why can't things be simple and easy. =(

Hur Hur.
12:51 AM

I feel strange.
strange feeling of anti-socialness.
yet i dont want to not talk to people.


again im fickle thankew.

Hur Hur.
2:18 PM

hello blogger.
imnot sad.

im simply annoyed that im such a fickle person.
i decide on things too easily.
maybe today i want this.
but tml i think...maybe i dont.
but next day i think maybe i do.

such that. i just leave things alone as it is.
afraid to change anything.
because i myself am going back and forth about the same decision all the time.
and i guess not doing anything balances everything.

stupid reasons huh.


sometimes i wish people could help me make my decision.
or more like...act upon my decision for me.
do it for me.

so i dont have to do anything.



except say yes.






but i don't ask anyone for help.
not the people who can anyways.



because there are too many judging eyes ahahaha
and yet i blog everywhere.
secret blog, open blog, locked posts.


thus i am vague. hohohoh



and all i can do is blog
and help me think
help me make a decision.
for today at least.

Hur Hur.
12:48 AM