Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.

Bob Marley




















isnt that just so swell.












this is here because no one should know that im actually cheesy on the inside...
HAHAHHAHAHAHAHA
despite the outward happiness and the inner emoness
or comtemplative skepticism of the world...
and about how humans are stupid.and annoying.

i am like all other girls i dispise.
but maybe the most 10% alike.
those girly girls who care about fashion and looking cute looking pretty to attract the opp sex to look their best so people will like them.
those in cloud 9 who think that they are princessess
and that love is the only thing that can save them from their sadness.
but i try to look decent. ahah cos people have eyes. i must not look horrid. but i must not look like im trying to hard. cos im not.
and i dont like people who do. that is just grosssss.
i dress how i feel. just with eyeliner ahha.
actually i think my dressing is based on my music. ahah


actually i am the cheesiest person alive perhaps.
because i dont ever believe in looking for someone like that
i believe it just happens! HAHAHA
so annoying right. that is like the most in my own fluffy cloud world.
thats why i dont like people who keep going gaga over people they dont know just because of looks.
because. i cannot understand.


and i really agree with the above passage HAHAH (LIKE comprehension)
when did u see them stating that that person was so good looking haha.
so many reasons to love but never that particular one mentioned.
because it is not needed.=)

but of course dear lord,
do not give me a person that fits all that but looks like kenah bang down by truck can.
HHAHAHAA. WAH FAIL.hahahahahaa


they say pisces are hardcore romantics.
yet they are super idealistic.
i am a true pisces. ahaha
so true that i
dont believe in dating.
ahhaa
dont believe in trying to find something perfect in someone interesting to fit the criteria.
believe that eye candies can only be good for looking at.
and that with this attitude and trust issue.
i will be alone forever.

but it is ok. =)
because i wouldnt wanna waste my time or feelings on infatuation.

that doesnt mean i believe in fate.
because, with this attitude, id sure wouldn't know if fate was slapping me in my face.
ahaha.ok maybe i do. if think this way.
but i guess im just super blind.

so if i believe or not. it makes no difference.




you do not love with your eyes.
nor ears
nor cock or cb HAHAH
but with your heart. ahah





dont let your eyes or ears or down there ahha direct your heart. never.
but let the heart direct the way you see, hear and feel.



so cheesy huh.
that is me.
i hate this part of me. ahaha because then i'd be ordinary?
but i love cheese. literally.
maybe i ate too much.



but in this world.
i really believe anything is possible.
i believe that someone somewhere will
go against all that i believe in.
with love at 1st sight. ahha
in the cheesiest most perfect way.
ahhaa


ewww gross. ahah
eh i wanna watch 500 days of summer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
=(

Hur Hur.
1:54 AM

disappointed.
in so many ways.
more than you know.

Hur Hur.
12:44 AM

im not saying.
=(

Hur Hur.
2:13 AM

hi.
i should learn to appreciate life.
and not want so many things
and expect so many things
and make myself disappointed
when things don't go my way.

Hur Hur.
1:51 AM

a new friend is pissing me off.
respect my religion can!!!
respect all religion.
at least respect the choice to have a religion.

if you dont respect the religion at least respect the person and my choice.
dont go telling me im wasting my time praying to fiction.

I am more "holy" than i look.
same as i am more pissed than i appear to be.


closed minded stubborn.


i see you as a good friend. but this i cannot tahan.
really.

Hur Hur.
1:46 AM

harro.
idk why but i still feel so sad.
i dont even know if i should be.
i dont even know why i should be.

but i do.



super emo.
i drank my wine fast.
maybe i will grow up to be an alcoholic. =(

Hur Hur.
11:11 PM

fuck lah. today is so not my fucking day.
fucking being lashed
and lashing at other people when i was a bystander.


and i locked my door.
cos im so fucking pissed and sad
cos i think i may really be pmsing
or the turp has gotten into my system
and i feel very drunk for some reason

and know that any other day
if this happened i would be fine
and sane
just not all at once.

:'(


i even feel guilty feeling angry.
wtf is wrong with me.

Hur Hur.
9:44 PM

helllo....

today i had a very very very freaky dream
not in the ghost kinda way..
nor death kinda way..

but change..
kinda way.

like change in me.
kind..
not scary..but makes me think. what if one day i'd be like that?
or if i subconsciously am already?



i don't wanna sing so much in the studio already...
if not like
not special HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAH
later pple sian how;..
i oso will sian..

and today i heard myself
laugh on a vid.
LIKE THE ULTIMATE HURHUR!
OMG SO GROSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
I DON'T KNOW HOW PEOPLE STILL WANNA BE MY FIREND CAN! OMG.
hahahahahaha


anyway im still affected by the little things.
blame it on the dream.


oh my brain likes to screw me upside down huh! haha

Hur Hur.
12:09 AM

hey hey.
blog that no one reads.
(much i hope aha)

i've been feeling much better lately.
because i've dropped something.
forever not sure but temporarily
leave it in a corner or something. :)

much much better.
and i slept alot.
im feeling good.

and im starting to like the Fine Arts people alot.
i always like people. in a good way..not in that romantic way aha..
i think i find everybody nice like...in the long run
if they are not selfish.
or psycho or ego.

hahah these 3 qualities i cannot tahan.
selfish psycho or ego. haha


ya anyway.
im beginning to move on with life. heheheh. took me rather long i think.
but i still hold on to the good things in life that move along in other directions cause of change.


and it's good.
right now i'm grateful.
it could be better.
but i can't have everything right.




but i can sing.
HAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHA.
ok ego moment.
this is as much egoistical i get.
on a secret blog. ahahahah


i don't know why i can sing.
but i know i worked hard for it.
everyday practice abit. ahah
my voice was like shit last time.
but now its better.
i imitate. i learn.
i experiment.
i scream
now my voice is fuller and abit huskier.
like like.



and one more thing.
i've grown to be more comfortable with myself.
with myself and other people. how i react.
i'm sooooo much less self conscious.
i really couldnt care less. ahaha
i dont bother to dress well. ahahah
just my hair must be nice haha


i just cannot look sooo dirty. ahah like gross.
cleanliness. aha
no need to prove anything to anyone.

I am me.
you like me.
good for you.
don't like. don't talk to me.
if you are meant to be my friend.
we will eventually be friends.
fate.
still unsure if it exists.



i have nothing to hide.
just this blog. ahha
cos its emo
and cos i need to spill. or i may explode.
and i dont wanan bother anybody.

i don't have financial problems.
i don't have family problems. anymore.
i don't have r/s problems. i have none. and never had.



but i do have problems.

time management.
changes. in others, in me.
trust issues.
motivation.
religion. in terms of enthusiasm and zeal and desire. heh.


i think the worst one is change.
but its inevitable.
I've changed.
i've become.
1. meaner. heh. i like to laugh at people.
2. kaypo-er..but not so much now
3. bias.
4. and in terms of behviour, choices, preferences, tolerance. the bars have shifted.

but its no big hooo hah..compared to all the beeeeg stuff people face in the world.


its only normal.

ok
im normal.

EEKK I DONT WANNA BE NORMAL.
nevermind if i wasnt normal.
nobody would know i was special anyway. =)

Hur Hur.
1:40 PM