MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ONE AND ALL!

its chirstmas and im stuck at home..
sian..
but gg out for family dinner later tho. :D
thats what christmas is all about..THE BIRTH OF JESUS AND FAMILY
haha
not party and presents ahah even tho thats a plus point.




ALL I WANT FOR CHIRSTMAS IS ________________ (fill in blank)

you see that blank..
i'll fill it now..
i know im so holy but..
my christmas whish is just to be

Happy. and to be able to not be afraid to love people around me till it actually hurts :D
i sound like a saint ahha
not material wants this year..
unless u count happiness
haha

but i just wanna love everybody! hahhaa
and not judge! and accept!
cos i know i have empathy in me a whole whole lot
just that it can be painful sometimes
and just being nice to people makes me real happy for somereason
and i like to be happy
cos being nice to pple and caring for them makes God happy with me
so im happy too! haha

ahh i sound like an angel..
but no im not..

im a star! ahhahaa
esp for agr ahha
literally.

this christmas has been really great...
did things so crazy that im just so happy!

like on the agr day..
i made so many friends like 10 pple haha all from st pats presidium ahha cos they followed cj legion after agr

then we went to prakway and got heal high on log cake and decided to do
UNORTHORISED CAROLLING
cos we were feeling so christmassy ahaha

damn funny lah! the security guard looked damn angry..
and when we sand..
FALL ON YOUR KNEESS..
WE ALL FELL ON OUR KNEES AND SANG!


ahhahaha

so freaking funny lah!
but we also brought many smiles to random people passing by ahhaha

JUSTIN KONG WILL BE HAPPY!
(smiles are impt to him haha)

AND LOG RETREAT MADE EVERYTHING SO MUCH MORE MEANINGFUL THIS CHIRSTMAS..
LOG IS REALLY A GREAT COMMUNITY AND ONE THING WE ALL HAVE IN COMMON IS
GOD AND TO LOVE HIM AND SPREAD HIS LOVE.

(NISE IS SMILING)

and i did OUTREACH ALREADY!
brought a christian family to midnight masss!!!!!!!
and the kids were so interested by the church and our ways ahha
and i made to new friends yest..them..such great pple

and
i was so super duper happy so see my friends!!!!
even tho i did not get to go swees house with them after mass..but its ok

all the hugs and pics and cards and presents were enough to sustain my happiness even tho i could not follow them later
and
i love them so much im so so so so thankful to God for them! i am turly truly blessed to know real friends

like

REAL REAL REAL FRIENDS!
U CAN TELL THEY ARE REAL
COS THE REALNESS IN THEM
IS THE HOLY SPIRIT.
AND I SEE THAT.
so have more than the rest but they all have the holy spirit in them


they are
so special to me.

and when i was missing every single one of them
at 3 am in the morn
i was reading their christmas cards..
making me all sad
and i wanted to cry cos i was so touched.
hahaha

and i slept. happy. :D
thats what i wanted for chirstmas
after days of confusion and emoing
i was happy.
actually i was happy already lah like during retreat
but still the happiness sustained till chirstmas and is still continuing ahha

and i got this from nat's blog and it made me think...


this is what i copied.


What is the best compliment that you have ever received in your life?

That you're HOT?
That you're PRETTY/ HANDSOME?
That you're GOOD AT SOMETHING?
That you're HOLY?
That you're SMART?

Haha. I just received mine a few days ago..

well i received mine a few days ago tooo

well 3. the 3 best ones altogether..2 in one day and 1 just yest.

from last to best.

1. You sing like an angel and my friends all think so too (Nise super happy)

2. You've really touched me (said with sincerity) (Nise is so so so glad cos that was i just wanna do for God..touch peoples lives)

3. What I see in you is....(pause)..Beauty(with a serious face). (as in the soul lah.. and nise was stunned and just gave a wide cheeky grin like shes heard it so many times) and then the person starts to tell me how ive touched the persons life.

and so i was so happy that when i went back and reflected and in the rereat found real beauty in all the loggers..
thats whats beautiful about them
their realness
the holy spirit in them.


Nise is happy and her shoulders are aching haha

and there are no pics.. ahaha sorry

Hur Hur.
5:29 PM

lets blog about yesterday! cos i spent half of today sleeping til 3! (yes u can say omg if u want) then watching tv
playing games on the net
eating 5 nuggets and mash potato
watching more tv
and then dinner and 6 hrs of the sims2 hahahaha

yes what a wasted day. haa

but yesterday i was almost 1 hr late for legion!
pai seh..
woke up late and did something and waited for bus damn long

and yesterday i found out...im not that bad at pool! ahha
funny how yesterday i had bad stomache after lunch and felt like puking then suddenly it was gone..
maybe cos yesterday i was happy!
happiness makes pain go away haha
cos it sorta felt like christmas with 2 treats on the same day!
for pool and socks! haha
i like my socks..emo socks haha

then even when i said i didnt feel like gg for mass cos of my bad tummy
i did! praise God!
God make my bad tummy ache go away so i can go mass~!
and see simeon swee and mark!
who read my post on log blog and decided to go!
so yay! nise is even more happy!

and i got fr Gerard to do mass for log retreat! yay! and he was so nice!
so i was even more happier!

and i saw gerry!! at the bus stop and had a nice convo with her about how most boy sch guys who go jc or poly act weirder than the mix school ones hahahaa
its true

then again that means a big majority of cj guys act weird hahahaa

and then i went home to a nice yummy dinner! (unlike yesterday where they FORGOT TO LEAVE FOOD FOR ME!!! SOBS) :(

and able to sleep late cos i know tml will be a nice relacing day..

so Nise was happy yesterday!
and is today!

and i have decided about something!!!
that only jehanne knows hahhahaahaaa
but then i might just switch back..eh..

jehanne is nice to tell things to.. :D
thats why shes my hairily sexy mama! hahahaa


hmm
u know..
suddenly meeting a stranger on msn that added u quite long ago and then never talked since and suddenly appeared infront of your face so unexpected is..
SCARY!!!!!!
like..hmm u look familiar..then
ARGH!!!!
that kinda scary..hahaha
esp when ur afraid the person might recognise you for some reason
then thats just even weirder..
shall go delete the msn contact...
ahh! but then are u able to tell if someone deletes u?
gah!!!

help me.
ok im over exaggerating..
im quite fine with things now..
just pretend not to know and i will too haha

thats like daoing..
i dao pple more lately ahhaa
ok im starting to blabber again...

hmm
but then..it depends on the person.
haha
luckily its not a weirdo!!!
thank God!
imagine!!
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

ok nise dun blabber liao.
shut up.

Hur Hur.
12:12 AM

so i didnt get down to drawing the picture..

uh..

stupid.. i just felt like dying today... so lifeless..

and whats worst..the taiwanese serial...last disc..(ps2: disc unable to read!" wtf!! WTF! THE MOST IMPT PART THE ENDING! HOW I KNOW HOW THEY SOLVE THE FREAKING PROBLEM NOW!! AHHHH

anyway got this off nathalie's blog.

Your Birthdate: March 3

You are more than a big ball of energy - you are a big ball of hyper. You are always on the go, but you don't have a type a personality. Instead of channeling your energy into work, you instead go for fun and adventure. Witty and verbal, you can have an interesting conversation with anyone. Your strength: Your larger than life imagination Your weakness: You tend to be pretty scattered Your power color: Lime Your power symbol: Lightening bolt Your power month: March

Hur Hur.
12:41 AM

Hullo!!!

Omg! im up this early...
u know why.. its most perculiar...

yesterday at 1 am plus before i slept..was talking to loggers..
asking about tml's im todays ecp trip..
and i was like.. YEAH IM GG!!

but then..

as i lay on my bed....
i was thinking...
what if i fell
what if i got hurt cos im not good at blading or cycling
but i might fall and just laugh and have a good time
or what if i fell..and dropped on my phone!!! ahhh
my new precious phone!! no no!
then i just imagined the whole senario..
of having fun and all..

then i imagined what i would do at home..
watch my taiwanese serial..
wake up late and waste my life away...

then...it became.. 2.30 am!
i still couldnt sleep..
somehow i was just really agitated..
i even punched the air a few times..
and boxed my self a few times..
and i was whining that i couldnt sleep..
my mind just kept thinking!
then to ease my suffering..

I DECIDED TO GO!!!
and i was happy..

then tried to sleep..
but soon was thinking of bits of my taiwanese serial
then..

I SHOULDNT GO!
then started thinking bout it again..
haha

then now its like 3..

so i practically lay on my bed for an hr an a half trying to sleep..
great..

then i realised...

I GOT INSOMNIA!!!!
cos i dun feel sleepy at all! i just felt like asking someone..
should i go? hahaha

well i bet this contributed to my insomnia too..
i was aching everywhere...headache..stomachache..teeth ache (braces) and confusion!!!

then...thought of blogging and finally..

I SLEPT!!!!
AHAHAHHA
FINALLY!


and woke up at 8 am.
heh.. even tho i set my alarm to 8.30 to wake up to tell whoever im not gg for ecp or to prepare..
then i realised in the morn..

I STILL DUNNO WHETHER TO GO ANOT..

so i asked my mom if i should go..
she said if it bothers u so much..
that means something is telling u not to go..
and i was like oh.
cos its the freaking loggers man!!!!
why would i not go!!!
ahaha
and maybe im just not a big fan of ecp..hhaa
scared i crash into pple maybe haha



SO IM HERE NOW BLOGGING IN THE EARLY MORNING COS I CANT SLEEP NO MORE..

AND WHAT IS MORE I HAD THE MOST VIVID DREAM EVER! WELL..THAT I CAN REMEMBER..

MY MOM SAID ITS LIKE A NOVEL! SO COOL U KNOW...

ITS SOMETHING TO DO LIKE HARRY POTTER.. HAHA

been having harry potter dreams yesterday...but the dude was never there..i was the cool dude.. ahha


yesterday i dreamt that i was fighting monsters and evil dudes and protecting my friends with a wand i found and figured that i had forgotten every single spell and could only remember a spell that casts fire and the stunning spell petrificus totalus ahha

and i sucked..

i was supposed to have studied at hogwarts b4...but forgot everything i learnt..

anyways..

PART TWO. shall tell it like a novel now ahha
its damn cool..read all the way..


so..suddenly i woke up from my bed feeling all groggy..
it was as if i never slept a wink and yet the clock indicated it was already 4.30 am..
(well the numbers were in red so i knew i was a dream cos my clock numbers are yellow! haah or was it.. ahaha)

Suddenly i found my self...
in the midst of some loggers! we were in a weird house that looked dilapidated..its walls were grey and peeling and the stench of stale air filled the place..lifeless.
then we headed into a room which had a door about as broken as the enitre place hahaa. And this was a most perculiar room indeed.

it was a dimly lit (dunno lit form what) room made of brick. However, not a tinge of red was seen in them but just a dull brown and strangely..its seemed like there was alot of dust on these walls but further investigation told me it was flour..
its seemed like a bakery of some sort. A big long table rested in the middle of the room . that was all..and what was most odd about the place.. was that..on each of the four walls, letters were strewn all about them in all sorts of sizes about 6 on each wall.. each letter..represented each of our names...and they were written in chalk in all sorts of colours...

and there on one of the walls was a huge "D"! i remember joan was there :) she examined the D (which was in pink ahha) and found out.. that by pressing it..it would open up! and so she pressed it and a small door of about half my height was formed as the bricks in the wall started to move into place. In that small opening..there was a strage orange glow..it seemed like there was a fire..

Indeed when joan when in.. she saw a fire place.. right infront of the door..and to the left there was empty space and behind the fire place as well.. theres nothing or no one she cried. then as looked in, i saw something most perculiar about the fireplace.

on the right side of the wall in the fire place.. was an opening and in it were stairs leading up to somewhere. immidiately i notified joan and asked her to go up haha. but she merely poked her head in and said...theres no one haha. (by the way..the fire wasnt hot at all for some reason..no physics laws in my dream! ahha)

suddenly..we all saw it. a shadow. of someone walking down the stairs. so we all immediately got out of the way out of the hole and grabbed anything that resembeled a weapon and hid. hahaha
i grabbed some pole thingy with a sharp end..

and out of the hole jumped a... WOLF! as big as lion..i was terrified and was about to poke it as it snarled at me showing what ghastly and grizzly teeth it had.. saliva was dripping everywhere from that mouth of his.. a great black wolf. looked like a wear wolf if u asked me. and so. I poked at it with my pole! hahaha for i thought it was about to pounce on me! and it went "ouch" "hey!" and spoke to me in the most refined manner and in english. hahaa it dusted itself and started reprimanding me immediately.

"Ms Denise. why what do you think you are doing! poking that thing about and disturbing me from my sleep! it dangerous! now keep that away girl! you could kill me! ( yeah that was what i was gonna do) Anyway. Schools about to start! have you been revising! and oh my how terrible next year is going to be! so many changes! and oh my! your have a tournament this very night!"

"what tournament! what competition? what school! and who are you and why do u know so much that I myself dont even know!"

haha

then it all came to me...yesterday's dream. maybe it wasnt a dream. that in some other life..or i totally for got.. i was in some sorta school for wizardry like hogwarts! but at that time i couldnt figure out what the name of the school was uptil i woke up haha.

so i was panicking! I have a tournament thsi evening and i cant remember nuts! yesterday i was a wlaking disaster who almost fainted while dueling someone! some unknown person who wanted to hurt me.

and here i was. i felt like i had jumped into a parallel universe of somesort where chemistry was just as important and potions nad physics in casting spells. but what a cool life this was.

then i seemed to notice that the great wolf was getting quite near to me. and i said "hey excuse me could u back away.. your scary you know and please your still huge wolf and i'd like it if you stayed quite a distance." hahaha i laughed at myself.

Then i went home and asked my mum. "mummy, do u know i have a competition later on?" "nope..dunno..good luck." i was thinking.. great. i dun even think she cares or does she even know that im in such a school.

then i saw my dad. who did not look like my dad but was better looking and was supposedly supposed to be my dad so it was weird and he was pakcing boxes.
"good luck for your competition" he said.

then i was somehow back at hogwarts with the grat wolf and it was dark already. and found out that he was in fact something like a caretaker there. i found myself on a huge balcony in hogwarts some 12 floors from the ground. as i looked out. the place was just breath-taking! it looked so english like haha . and what is more.. below me was a great balck lake..which the school surrounded and this lake..there was no ground surrounding it but the school walls and so it seemed like we were floating on it. and it was vast. black and still. just relflecting the sky above.

and the school. about a hundred windows were lit all with a warm light ahich shown out of the identical curtains in each window. the school walls were also made of brick but not pale brown ones but of a dark grey that was most grand. as i turned to my left and right i noticed no balconies except my own. the only other balcony was below me..it was bigger in size and was on the 1st floor resting on the surface of the lake.

there was a party. a praty for the teachers. there was all sorts or pple i remember in the harrypotter books but non of them wore hoods or capes. infact they all looked like they were wearing business wear and looked very impressive. their party was not very cheerful.. but more of classy. as they sat there and drank tea.

then from behind the great wolf told me.. "next year will be very different. i dont like it. look down below.. do u notice any changes? (i saw that a herbology teacher was absent) yup. shes gone. disappeared. and guess who is taking over her."

i looked below..
suddenly the grand door below opened and 3 men in black came out surround some sort of oink person. as they cleared of..i realised who she was.. MS DAISY TAN FROM MY SECONDARY SCHOOL. (well its supposed to be like the toad like lady in harrypotters 6 book who has a very strange resemblance to how the rowling described her.) i hated her. from the way she looked and behaved and more. she was dressed in a baby pink with grey suit that had a grainy texture to it with matching skirt and shoes. her hair it seemed to be to be like a curry puff. like how 5 yr olds drew shoulder length hair on stickfigures. a jet black and with bangs that cut straight across her face so suddenly at her eyebrows that. it was scary. ahah and her pale complexion. not of a pocelain pale but of a sickly unnatural paleness at her hands feet and esp face that had sudden large pink circles on her cheeks. and red lips that looked old and dry. her face indeed had a toad like expression as her mouth was too big and lips to flat and wide. and her jewelry. it seemed as tho she had no drawer to keep them in but around her neck. rings necklaces bangles. and what is worst. her scent or perfume..that was disgustingly sweet and distasteful at the same time it seemed almost fake or like an old ladies that was so strong and horrid that i smelt it from where i was standing 12 stories up. im glad she didnt se me. but i saw her. i saw that eveil galre in her eyes once again. back to haunt me. from my normal life and into my parallel universe. (heh it sounds funny)the funny thing is ..i kept throwing pebbles down into the lake hoping that the scary lady wouldnt notice for some reason..and thinking that the giant octopus in the lake would get annoyed ahah.

"it is time" said the great wolf.
so i went out. into who knows where. but where that place was..it was even more beautiful.

it seemed to be like 12 midnight.the sky was dark and was only lit my old fashioned street gas lamps.. just 4.. it was a town square. surrounded by 2 old english shophouses. the space in between the road was vast however. the floor was of brick with wonderful patterns scattered with people and in the middle was a fountain..a most beautiful one also made of er...cement? haha or stone? ahah.. and along the fountain people about my age sat and miggled too. all of them themselves dressed up formally. and what was most strange was that above the fountain.. was a huge bridge made of brcik too! a grey one that was majestic in it own way but had no real purpose if u ask me..it was like just there by magic! the place was just wonderful and gave a most homey and comfy feeling. then i found myslef dressed in the best blouse and pants that i think made me look super smart and slick but it was all balck and my hair was down. then as i walked through the crowd, i heard a boy say. "shes sure to pick me" then i realised.i knew. him. (but he really looked and behaved like ron stoppable and i kim possible so i believed we were best friends) but pick him for what i thought.

then..there was music! trumpets sounded and who knows what and there was an emcee! i dunno where but his voice was booming!" the 7 lovely men and women top woman at hogwarts who are to compete tonight..welcome!" then suddenly a spotlight that was super bright shown down onto me almost blinded me but i could see. 6 other spot lights shining down on other people. and the crowd cheered.

suddenly i was on top on the bridge. and so were the other 6 and the crowed was just cheering and cheering and looking at us all. i did not know what was going on. the other 6 looked so...pro!!!! omg! i felt like just melting on the spot! how was i to compete agaisnt them when...i knew nuts!! then suddenly the emcee said " quieten down now...its time for..the seven to pick a partner...for the dance!!!!" they all cheered again..." omg..what did i get myself into...this is all a mistake..!" emcee: " alright Denise. you 1st.. choose your pick!" i dont even know how to dance!! and as i looked into the crowed people waere waving their arms wildly hoping id spot them and in the midst of them i saw the ronstopable lookalike looking back at me.

I WOKE UP.!

haha

quite interesting right!!
i bet u all din even read it all lah ahha
took so long to write..
this is why i cant have a dream diary. it'll just take up my entire day ahha

anyway..i think i'll draw screen shots of my dream.. maybe the one in the town square or the school upon the lake or the weird room. but i think i'll prob draw one only..if i wanna do it nicely..
then i'l post it up! yay!
haha

anyway go for mass later! cos im gg! haha
bye
this was a long post.

Hur Hur.
8:54 AM

Hello! today was so fun! hehe
went out with the Seven! minus 3
so thats me jn cheryl and joce! yay

WATCH THE HOLIDAY! ITS A DAMN NICE SHOW...LIKE LOVE ACTUALLY LIKE THAT...
well its quite nice...

good show to watch

anyway in town...i saw 11 pple i know!!!!! yaynesss!!!

1. beverly
2.guy that hangs out with my class dance guys
3. gal that hangs out with my cuz
(these 3 were together at cine but i din know one more girl who was with them)
4.Alvin! from church!
5. Melissa from church!
(one more dude was with them who alvin tot i knew..or his fren knew heh at cine too)
6.Avril Hong! (whilst crossing the road to heeren from cine)
7.Evonne! (whilst crossing the road back from heeren to cine!) I gave her a hug on the road!
8. Yvlynn! Von's sis!!!! together!
9. Ian ketsu..i never talk to him but heh i know him joce does too!
10. A girl from t20 who i swear we have introduced but never talked since..forgot her name haha
11.(argh i cant remember!)

but i counted 11! hahaha nvm

oh and...

IVE GOT A NEW PHONE!!!!!!!!!! YAYNESS! AND A NEW TV! HAHAHAHA SO HAPPY!

CHRISTMAS CHISTMAS IS COMING!!!

and cheryl!!!!
u know what she did..
after the movie.. jn and i were in desperate need for a toilet..

cher: Jn..what if i do this to u?
Jn: ahhh no go do it on denise lah
Cher: (presses my abdomen)
Denise: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (hig pitch in the middle of cine) IDIOT!
cheryl: snigger...

wth! i wan to pee damn bad ah! then u go do this hahaha
but nvm just dun do it again ahhaa


and now i have a stomach ache..
and my teeth hurt cos i just changed braces... GREEN AND RED! yeah!

and today a bird at my pizza!!! ahhhhhhh
ahhahaha
stoopid.


buh bye..

Hur Hur.
10:37 PM

NISE WENT TO CHURCH TODAY FOR MASS AND IS
HAPPY!!!!

LOGGERS!!! CORNERSTONERS!!! PLEASE GO FOR WEEKDAY MASS MORE!!!! OK!!!

ITS VERY SAD TO SEE VERY FEW PEOPLE THERE...

:(

I WILL GO!
TRY..
SO MUST YOU!!!!!!!!!!
OK!
PROMISE!!!
heh..

SEE YOU GUYS MORE AT MASS!!!!

Hur Hur.
9:45 PM

guess i'll update again...

truth is..
these few dasy ive been
sleeping my life away..
just read jon's blog
the thing in common..
BAD SLEEPING HABITS!
it 2.17 am..
im still not asleep..i'd prob sleep at 3
anyway..that bad...ive been doing that for a few days now...
and ive been waking up at 2 or 3 the next day unless i have something on..
and ive been becoming real late for stuff lately...
i dilly dally too much before leaving the house
its either that or i didnt get enough sleep the previous day

i feel like..
life is so stagnant now..
everyone is like doing their own stuff now..
be it ocip or cca or slacking or church

church..havent been there for weekday mass in a long while
i still owe the big guy a rosary and a mass
oh what a wretched girl i am
becoming so lazy and eating so much choc hahaha

its an evil yet wonderful thing chocolate

sorry anne
i forgot to tell u i had tuition today so i couldnt go for mass
i really intended to go

i need to go to church..
to the ado
and spend some time with him

i used to be so happy..
just going to church..
by myself..
just to go for mass..

but now..
im just
plain lazy.

heh..

what happened denise!!!
u never even study...
u just sleep ur life away ahha
and waste it.. just having fun..
watching youtube also..
anime...
korean shows..
ahhh!

i always say this at night..
but then..its time to sleep..
im tired..
say my catena.

then good night God..
i;ll talk to you another time...
im tired
see you tml

im a wrteched wretched girl!
i bet i'll do it later..
the same thing again and again every night..
i feel i need some words of wisdom..
haha actually know
i just miss the time when log was just formed and jude used to come in and teach us stuff and help us understand and discover new things about God.
i forgot much..

then i would share what i learnt with my sec sch friends.

and i was happy..
so were my friends.
and he was happy.


if only the world was much more simple..
like stacie oricos song simple.

what happened to my zeal for God..
i really think i need that log retreat..

and a good talk with someone

I CANT WAIT FOR TML!
THE SEVEN OUTING!
without yilin :(
then..
we will talk..
like the old times..


just wanna say one thing


I LOVE HAPPY FEEET!
esp the amigos! ahhaha


i wonder if loggers and stoners still go for weekday mass...

i wonder how im supposed to do moring praise for Log retreat!
how!!! i just lost all my zeal! and kinda drifted..
from him...
how..
how..
i know how..
but its not so easy..
how how how how howh ow
im tired..
sheesh..

im a disappointment to myself...

cant pray
cant help people
cant be bothered
cant sing that well
cant act that well
cant play guitar that well
cant even study
cant understand physics or maths or lit or econs or GP
cant run
cant cook
cant listen
cant advise people
cant console people
cant help people
cant read for long periods
cant do what im supposed to
cant understand
cant figure things out
cant solve things
cant do anything to make things better
cant say what i wanna say
cant say the right things
cant do anything good
cant think for myself
cant depend on myself
cant let people depend on me
cant learn chinese!
cant run for long periods!
cant jump high!
cant swim
cant dance
cant plan
cant lead
cant follow
cant pray...

hate myself...

nah too strong..
if i did i just kill myself haha
and then i would go to hell
and id hate God for making me this way too
but i know he gave me free will

thus.

i cant hate myself
because i love God..
but still i cant pray
cant help people
cant cant cant
cant even try to do something now to help myself
stupid girl..

u know..
nothing....

i tried to undertand myself just now..
but i cant..
heh.

Hur Hur.
2:15 AM