I don't like your view on God at times...
Its hard to see God as angry...or mean...
but most of all...i see God as someone who has boundless unconditional love.
and the most he can be..is sad.. if he does it...he's sad to do it..but he does it because he love us.

=(

I would have never said such a thing...


But the convo did make me flash back to all the bad times...
where i fought with ling over God knows what..
but it was so bad we couldnt even look at each other.

and about another friend.
who was in the wrong..not to me but to someonelse...
and how i tried to help her but she wouldnt listen. and wouldnt change.
and so she hurts herself in the end.
i just gave up.
but luckily we are still friends.

and i feel like something's not right.......
like really...i don't understand why the person is behaving this way..
like huh?
i didnt do anything did i?
maybe its just me hehe

=(

and age does not say anything about experience.
God knows how much ive been thru... unless you've been thru more than me..
then ok lah... i would like to know how much sadness ive experienced in the world...
i would like to know how i rank.
but im happy with myself...i dont feel sad for myself..but for others...sometimes..
gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ahahhaa i dunno




i wonder who reads this anyway.
like really. read it. but just don't tell me that you do. HAHAHHA
and dont spread.
and i type rather vaguely so just dont missinterpret. ahaha

im not very emo in this post.




ok i just wanna say i love God alot alot..he is a loving God..nothing else...all actions are based on love.
God is Love.
God does not give up! OKOKOKOK! hah!


Alot to pray about.
ive got a headache

Hur Hur.
12:32 AM

I saw it.
And I became sad. Like Bam.
And then I couldnt stop staring at it.



I sent a secret prayer up above
and put my heart away
so that you could be free...


I'd rather it that way.

Hur Hur.
12:14 AM

Mannn i think im super strong. =)
maybe because I prayed.
God is Good. He is awesome =)
I love him!

And thank's to wonderful friends too =)

Hur Hur.
12:23 AM

Sigh...
This always happens to me :(
3rd time i think.
:(
But each time i get stronger! so yeah.
but this time its quite screwed up. Seriously.
When will it be my turn?

Can't wait for tues. Really.

Hur Hur.
9:59 PM

ok so i sorta guess it right.

and if you're going overseas...i'd be so sad!
imagine if i had to go =(

oh no...i feel superbly sad now. like super.

Hur Hur.
3:07 PM

I'm super bummed.

and i think my guitar sucks like shit.

Hur Hur.
10:11 AM

fuck lah.
im seriously like the bringer of bad news.
why is it always me.
my big mouth... did ______ tell you?
no what?
then i kenah tell.
and its gonna be repeated...
and i have bloody fucking headache and i hell don't feel like conferencing.
but i need to know why so sudden and fucked up.

but seriously...to cancel last min...and i have no idea why...at 1st i thought it was we chose to cancel cos of bad timing.

i'm saying it here cos im too wuss to say it in nisegoeshurhur.
ijtp carnival planning is fucked up.
no amps no keyboards.
we cant possibly bring all. what bout the other bands.. its just retarded.
and where we are playing and when...we have no idea.
what i kind of planning is this.
seriously...it a damn bad reflection on your school showing lack of responsibility and respect to other.
so far i have no problems with ijtp.
this is my 1st. so ive been seeing you guys in good light until now.

seriously if it were my sec sch sac. i'd expect it and i wouldnt even give a fuck.




i am thoroughly disappointed.
and so is the rest of the band.
pissed off.
and i really think everyone should know what's going on every step of the way.
no matter who thinks or says what or is afraid of what.
transparency is the only way for better understanding.
and to shove it all in one's face at one shot is just not very fair or even to minus out all the nitty ditty details.

its just retarded. and irresponsible and perhaps even immature.

and fatin we don't blame you at all . you did a good job and your best.




aiya shit lah. so now they didnt cancel us.
but still.

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! fuck lah.

Hur Hur.
11:26 PM

I just don't understand.
what is so hard about that.

maybe im abnormal and its so easy for me.

and i really really really am hoping and praying that we can do may 16 and make it a blast with the full band and not some acoustic set.
so much practice so much hard work.

im popping amoxilins so that my throat's swelling will go down
and now i have plegmn and it makes me worry.

and i don't like to worry.
but I'd like the 1st gig...like a proper one..to be a blast... with a rockin original song to start with.

i hate envisioning something and being so happy bout it and then i can't have it.
sounds so spoilt brat-ish huh. its like sitting down at a restaurant and you've chosen what to eat but then someone decides to change place.

and people have been practising really really hard too. it would be such a waste man.
i wont blame them if they are pissed.


Lets all just pray.


and im wondering...why didnt popo ask his sergeant earlier. =( ok maybe he told me and theres a good reason. but =(



I'm hoping everything will be fine...
theres just too much effort put in to be just thrown all away.
=(


normally i wouldn't care so much.
and anything is fine with me. yes its true. but still.


and why do some people see life as such a drama.
I tell you...mine is so drama that im sick of it so i turn it into a comedy.
but thats for the audience to interpret.


I don't think anything can scare me or make me so sad anymore besides death and murder or physical injuries or rape or a breakup.
I seen and been through so many things.
That everything has just become numb. in nicer words ive become stronger.

and i've stopped crying.
i hope. its a good thing..maybe bad.

the only bad emotion i have left is anger and disappointment and perhaps jealousy.
no pity. no sadness.


But at the end of the day...when you see me... I'll always be smiling.
Theres no point worsening someone else's day.


Thats not what jesus would do. ahah

i just want everyone to be happy. that would make me happy.
and i like to be happy.
don't you. being happy makes me think clearly and not be so pissed bout life at times haah
just be happy at that moment with the people you love. ain't that good enough.

ok i dont know what im talking.


basically im just disappointed.

Hur Hur.
12:46 AM