Hey all...

went downtown east today...for this chalet...hid my friend's baby pillow in the fridge...i realise i like to play drums in the arcade..

but enought about that...im feeling really...guilty!!! its killing me...

i could have gone for mass today...i was planning to but...i didn't...then my friends said...u prefer us to ur church friends right...i was like...yar lar yar lah (eh...it doesn't mean that its the truth..) i love u guys equally for different reasons...

but thats not the point...only just now after reading jes's post on the log blog that i realised...the main reason i go to church is not the friends..its because i feel so much closer to God there...and so...it also means...that i said...i prefer my friends to God!! omg!! i was like noooooooooo im so stupid!! i felt so guilty...

like Jes said...I rejected God's invitation...

summore...lent is tml!!! and this is what i do!! skip mass!! and today was actually really important for me...i realised i really needed to go the ado to talk to him...(not that i cant...but i feel closer to him there) to prepare me for this season of lent! to help guide me with Sunday's session for lent! I needed to him to cleanse my spirit....i needed to repent...ask him for strength...I need to be really prepared for lent...if im not...how can i portray what ever needs to be conveyed by him during session!!! arrrghh im so stupid...i feel like i subconsciously have to have some fun just before lent comes...it sounds like im dreading it...but no..i hope not...

i havent been going ado...not on sunday not on monday not today and i cant tml...and thurs and fri i cant go church!!! why is it so hard!!!!!!! i really need to go ado...

i feel im neglecting him alot...i hope i did not make him sad...like how i brushed my mom away...i wanna say sorry...but shes sleeping now...haha..maybe tml..

what am i to do!! i need to meet up with kris to plan session...i cant...and thurs and fri im going to celebrate my birthday! but i really feel i shouldn't..its lent... all the food...omg 2 buffets on both days...talk about fasting!! shit...how am i going to get through this week...

i feel like writing God a letter...then buring it in the altar flames...but then shit id be holding a buring piece of paper in my hands....then what!! throw it on the floor and leave a black mark there...i dont think so...

I think i'll try to come for mass on thurs and fri...i hope i can...its not really up to me...is it? but how to without disappointing everyone....


but then i'd be disappointing my God...



sorry...





shall change log blog song to suit lent...

ok i guess not....


but i really dread hearing the song...i dont hate it...its beautiful...but thats why......not that i hate beauty....but beauty does not always portray niceness...probably even sadness....ahhhh denise stop rambling!

Hur Hur.
10:05 PM