I feel very distant these few days...from well..everything...family friends religion....where the hell have been?

I really don't like this chinese new year...i didn't even bother to dress up...not even earings...the only thing was the heels...

somehow i just dreaded going visiting... even to collect angbaos...i didn't even care if i got any.. i just wanted to guess what!!! go to church...the only thing i looked forward to for cny was cny mass...but in the end i was totally distracted by my 3 baby cousins....who i played with all throughout mass...stupid stupid Denise.... why can't you just pay attention during mass!! and while recieving communion i didn;t even feel the importance of it while i tried desperately not to fall while walking on those high heels...(ok i was exaggerating..i was quite stable) while that makes it worst doesn't it! every sunday i pay very little attention during mass...or i fall asleep(by accident) is that why i go for weekday mass? guilt?

but whatever it is i really must go mass more...tml! havent gone in 3 days!!! can't stand it... maybe i should be a nun...HAH! that will never happen...shut up...whatever you were going to say.... i know you were going to...don't deny...

i need to go ado bad....i shall go tml early early...like 3pm...nah crazy...i just feel like crying...don;t know why? im not sad? why should i be? am i? why am i? why do i keep asking myself so many questions? stupid. I need a long chat with God...

.................stop it.................


went shopping and watched i not stupid too with Jn today then met up with the 7 for reunion dinner....

i really encourage evryone to watch that show...its so bloody good and heartwarming... i cried like more than 5 times(this im sure) even while holding back my tears...the whole theatre was like crying lah...am im not don't cry easily one.....woah...
one of the sadest things is that...the boy stole money and was found out and punished by his parents and when they asked him why he said we was saving 500 bucks so that he could have 1hr of his Dad's time...woah....tap water...On!! hur hur u really have to watch it man...anne u still wanna watch! i'll watch it again...

maybe its so sad because its so close to one's heart

spent 100 bucks today!!! woah! what wrong with me...hey but part of that sum was mom's present! green top gree earrings and green nai polish!! woah my new fave colour is GREEN!! bye bye orange!!! haha... then food was really expensive so yeah...thats altogether a 100 bucks plus...ice cream!!! haha

reunion dinner...how did it go? 2 people didn't show...sad...yes i was...really miss them loads? why couldn't they come? i don't really care if they forgot to buy my christmas present yet...is that why u din come? hey thats stupid...just coming would be good enough ( that dun mean can forget bout the prezzie ahha) Joce bought her bf! cjc! haha... he looks familiar.... hmmnn

i feel much distant from my 'clique' (are we even anymore?) theres just something differen't when i'm with Log...presence of God? woot woot! er...maybe...but thats not it...no its something much more...i can't describe it...ok so its God's love...yep its indiscribable...that must be it...hah...

i made fun of an odd couple today...after reading rice's post...i just realised it and felt very bad...God forgive me...stupid me..shit i just realised i wasn't exactly a saint today...

hey did you realise if you take out the 'i' in denise it becomes the word dense? no im not dense..don't you even dare think that! so does that mean if i don't think about myself im dense? shouldn't it be the opposite? haha this paragraph is stupid...

Lord Jesus
Empower me...

Hur Hur.
10:28 PM