ok i know ive not being blogging...
1stly because the internet sucks cos of the earthquake thing and
2nd. im too freaking tired haha

whats been going on..alot ahha

facil camp.. so glad!
because of it i made new friends! ahhaa and my friendster will soon reach 500! yay hahaa
finally can say hi to the pple who i always knew existed in sch cos they are my friends' friends and stuff so yay! happy nise likes to make friends.

cant wait for orientation to start and cant wait for mass dance! i just hope my facil parter wont accidently kill me while doing the spin again ahahaa i hope i get a cool bunch of j1s!

i want the mass dance song!
its damn cool!
good job to dancers who choreographed it :)

so fun so fun!

INVIERNO!!!! WOOOOOH! MY HOUSE ROCKS!

PINGUINUS AMIGOS!

HAHA
J1s next year..pray u get into my house! cos we rock! ahhahah
i love the people in my house!

yay!

but one thing really saddened me about commencement ceremony..
i was like wtf at 1st when i heard what they said and took it quite personally even tho it was not entirely bout me
then i was thinking...why cj like that i tot my sec sch only got pple like that ahaha
and i was damn sad lah.. and wondered why are they making things so frustrating and hard
and would this continue? how..will there be tention in the air next time? i just didnt understand why pple could be so mean..how to cooperate like that..u know i come in peace ahah and like harmony ahhaa

but i was ok with it lah..just quite saddened. if i was damn angry i'd just bad mouth on my blog but hey im not like that hahaa.. just wanna say im sad...and i hope things patch up and gets better..maybe theres a misunderstanding on both sides which makes things all confused.

but its ok..someone apologosed on their behalf. so im willing to not take those words to heart and say what the heck! we are humans! what to do ahha...im just glad that things dont get worse and i hope they dont.

and i just wanna say.

Its ok.

like what the bible said..
if someone slaps you on your right cheek
offer the left
something like that.
even tho sometime you dont know why and dont feel like u deserve it.
lifes like that.

but hey.
no matter what i have God! hahahaa to be my strength!
you dont have to understnad how..but he is hahaa
or how its even linked to anything cos..i'll just get all lor suo ahah

and i just wanna say.
im sorry.
that i spread what happened.
but i stopped.
just that that day.
they made me so mad.
i couldnt bottle it up for every single person it concerned within me.
so yeah.

well this is as vague as it gets.

and im glad.
it was dark when they said those words.
so i could not see their faces clearly.
Praise God for bad lighting at that very moment.
so i could not hold grudges against them.


and i praise God too.
for my chirstmas wish.
i feel it. i notice it and i know it.
its happening.

im learning to love and care again without fear of myself being hurt.
heh.
cos i was like able to be emo over that matter without considering myself at 1st..but the pple who it involved hahaa only after awhile did i realise shit its bout me too..yes im blur.
haha


and finally after so long..
i actually bothered about others.
wow nise.
haha no more apathy.
all empathy all the way. thats the way.

and during mass i felt the emo again.
haha
my parents wanted me (forcingly) to bring my 2 new christian friends who i brought for midnight mass to bel's house.
now thats crazy..even tho how much i want to do outreach.
they know no one and bel doesnt know them and heh its just awkward.
i would not know what to do.
but the fact that they were pushing them into my life like some burden was just too much.
they were making me not like them and even hate them.
for what i dunno. for making things so troublesome and with my parents making it worse
saying im not cooperative.
but hey i think u used the wronge approach man! no forcefullness for one thing! and not in ur time! in his..not in my time or theirs but in his! and if that day just now was his time. i wouldnt know...cos i was too angry.

and so i cried.
dang. emo emo.
cried cos im such and idiot not wanting to do nuthin.
and cos i din know what was the right thing to do.
cos my parents thought me as uncooperative and selfish
and cos i hate it when my parents do this
cos they just dont understand
and think they know best
when in fact they are just making it so much worse for me and confusing
that im begining to hate them for intruding in my life and not understanding whats happeing and what would happen if they forced something to happen out of their (hey why not do this feeling) and so i cried. cos i hated myself for thinking that.

i havent cried for a long while.
not at shows
or my koran serials haha
or retreat.

it feels good tho.
that this time i wanna do something.
it feels good to cry that im confused cos i know what i should do
it feels good to care
it feeels good to bother about others
it feels good to hate myself for the wrongs ive done
it feels good to not understand but am willing to accept.

and it feels good to know..
God answered my prayer/christmas wish/log retreat wish

and that it feels good cos..
i know my mission.
(sorta ahaha but i know he'd like the mission i chose)


well...its a new year.
2007.
im glad i started it off with a tear.
the irony of it all.
i live in a complicated paradoxic world.
i bet its just me being confused and perhaps pmsing ahha
but i dont pms ahaha

Hur Hur.
2:10 AM