I still don't know why i stayed for the retreat.
i should have just gone home.
but i do not regret any moment spent there at all.
i realised something. hur. thats good.
something important.

but then i felt like i was going to die and went home ahhaa

but i stayed as long as i could.

IM SORRY I DIDNT GO BACK TODAY! LIKE I SAID.

haha
i couldn't.

i was asleep for 1 whole day like 18 hrs ahha
but im better now!
i think 4 hrs of sleep each day and dinners at 11 or 12 am brought my immune system down.

and i never pon retreat ok! i wanted to go.
even tho so many didnt want to and ponned.
thats what i realised..why i stayed and said nothing of my fever.
so i guess that holy shit is still in me ahhaa i thought i lost it forever..
passion for God..my facil shared with us.


and i dont like people to worry bout me.
cos im strong!!!
but i like to worry bout people i love! =)
when people give me the kua zhang look like super worried..i feel inclined to say
sorry.
but thank you for your concern. :) <3

but dunno why at the retreat...i felt like no one believed i was sick and just wanted to go home at first..like mr tan ...i was like AHHHHH! how cann!!!
wanted to say..YOU TOUCH LAH! hha
but so rude..
then i went all the way up to carry my 3 humongous bags down myself..
like there was no problem..
and when my facil gave me that look like huh? when he asked if i needed someone to help me take down my stuff.

its just that..i like to be seen as strong! ahha
and not a stupid whiny weakling..cos that's so irritating..
believe me i know..
why should i cry or whine or exxagerate my sickness for attention..what good would that do..
i dont wish for anyone to worry.
but it appears that because of that some did not believe.
oh well.

the funny thing is..when the panadol made me a bit better i wanted to stay again..
hahahahaha
im crazy i tell you..
but my dad was coming..




BUT IM BETTER NOW!

but i still want to tell u! that this was my highest fever ever! hahahahaa
i went to the hospital after the retreat and they measured my temp.
that was when the panadol took effect and made my face cool and i felt more comfortable again.

but then it measured 38 degrees.
i tot it went bakc down to like 37 can..
that means just now i was like 39 or 40! hahaha

and i was like woahhhhhhhh
im tough! hahaha



i dunno why but i like to feel tough at times like these.
=)

u know..i like to imagine that people attack me then i fight bakc and i win and i come out in the newspaper ahhaa
and i always dream that i save people. ahhaha


and on the list of passions that we were supposed to tick i ticked.
fight for crime! ahahahaa














but my strongest passion is...
to SING! haha

its hard...to earn a living this way..
maybe thats why my studies suck..
cos my passion has nothing to do with that..
its like a blockage that i must overcome and im trying to work around it.
sian

my stupid passion.





im sorry daddy.

Hur Hur.
6:46 PM