im blogging cos ling say i never blog haha

im too lazy to put up pics..but our dustin is cool shit ever.
best.
awesome work 2t26... im serious.
:)


i get high on air..today ..i felt that way..its been a long time.
but then i saw ple near me studying and i felt v bad..so then my high just vanished into some sorta guilt.

imagine if i got drunk. i really cant imagine. cos i believe i was acting worse than some of those drunk at jason and kenneth's party ahha

it sure is fun.




but fun can get us nowhere.
just that moment of happiness can take away ur future.
how would i know? how would u know!






why everybody know i never study!!!
only my parents dunno!


they want me to do this and that
entertain relative..cannot go out..go socialise
spend time iwth them
shop with them
watch movie with them
play for daddy's birthday.
i need to prac know.
im a super perfectionist when it comes to what i do.
if not i wont wanna do it.
thats why i only acknowledge my nice drawings the rest looks like crap to me
it either acceptable or crap.

no inbetweens.

the arts week acosutic set to me when rehearsed and practiced on set was acceptable.
not bad in fact.
but that day.
it was crap.

im sorry.
but not milli and i's crap
for sure..it became crap due to i dunno who.
whats the pt of a sound check if u dun have the same settings and change eveyrthing a screw everything up.
wheres the nice person that helps balance all the sounds..
if pple had brains to off the fans (thank u..seriously) why some no brains to adujust the freaking volume.


come on. it was bad...they had to off the fans to hear us.


bad.
bad. bad.

im just upset.
because it only happend to us. the unfairness of the odds...

thankew milli.
for all the hard work as well.
i think we kick ass.
we go do gigs after A's k ...chimer tougher songs.








i like to help my friends.
because i love them.




funny how friends just drift dont u think.
we had log session addressing our disappearing problem.


i just think that the problem is.
we just dont love each other as much anymore.
God is in our group too.

like how some marriages die.
i dont blame them for feeling this way..couples.
but i admire those who stick throughout..
mum and dad.. woots.
i feel as though im the glue..in more ways than ever.
as though im just that this piece of string holding 2 balancing planks together as they pull and stretch me to my limits.

but its still stays there.
for it serves no purpose on its own.
and to abandon would just destroy the sculpture.










im right now working around something thats a waste of time.
its a waste of time if im stubborn in thought.
its a door of opportunities is i actually wake up.
but i havent really done that yet.

i react and is driven by emotions.
hate , love, happiness, sadness, jealousy.
i do not move. when there is apathy or confusion and pain.













ima emokid.
i hate so many things that i do.
i cannot help but be a hypocrite to myself.




i love to socialise.
sometimes i wonder if i should just go do that and get drunk and drink all my sorrows away..
just trying once again to bluff myself.
then make things worse.

then again. mr leong said. uni education is more ex as it does not help the economy as much.
thats why theres less and less subsidiaries.

is my life a waste of space. im not even living to my fullest potential.
today during religious ed. we were supposed to rank types of pple.

i ranked a baby 1st. because it had the greatest potential of all.
i ranked teen super low.
so i rank myself. right now useless.
cos im not helping anyone.

i think being a good friend helps pple better than studies.
unless i can teach pple.
i like council cos i help plan stuff.
i like socialising and laughing cos i make pple happy. and i make me happy.
i used to like church work cos i could help pple directly
i like ocip cos i am helping pple directly.

but what am i doing.
im studying and i USED to like church work.
both dont get me anywhere or help pple.
what kind of purposeless life am i living if all i want is to be happy with all my passions and painting and siging and drawing all day.

im not helping anyone or myself.





maybe my life is a waste.
maybe, i should just devote my life to be a good friend it generates so much more positive externalities and helps more than one meagre person.
maybe i should just read purpose driven life and stop emoing
maybe then i wont have time to study cos im reading that and then i blame myself again for trying to help myself and in the end making things worse then i emo again and maybe kill myself cos im so dumb.


but i wont kill myself.
cos i like socialising.
and i cant socialise dead.





look how i reason with myself.
oh happy nise.
how awesome thou art.



Hi good evening.
welcome to our pac.
tickets please.
thank you enjoy the performance.


hi good evening.
im sorry but i have been given instructions to bar you from the premises.
please move a 100 feet away.
you have 5 minutes.



i feel like reason is saying that to me.




lalalalalalallalalalalalalalalalallalalalalalalalallalalalalalaa
lalalalalallalalalalalallalalalalalalalalalaal

wow blogger saves my drafts automatically.






i wonder if i will grow insane or develop a mental illness like depression
or selective dementia.
or insanity due to lack of morals.

i have greatest potential now..for these options..
i see no potential for anything else now.




boy its couldy.
i dont want to find my way out of the fog right now.
no sun no rays.
no pain no sadness.
just the cold.
its beautiful.

Hur Hur.
12:45 AM